ALCOHOLISM OR JUST BINGEING? Understanding the "all or nothing" stop button - Featuring Keesha Scott

Keesha Scott: 00:00:00

I knew what was going to happen. But when you're an alcoholic and you're that far down the road, you can't shut it off. I mean, that's what makes it alcoholism.

Patrick Custer: 00:00:09

We all, those of us who are the various forms of alcoholic varieties, we all lie to ourselves.

Keesha Scott: 00:00:16

I knew how to just sort of, like, pull myself up and dust myself off. And that's like the only trick I had up my sleeve. So that's what I did.

Really, the underlying theme of my book is that, you know, we don't show up to parenting empty handed. Right. Like, we all come to parenting with our own stories, our baggage, whether it be good or bad.

Patrick Custer: 00:00:35

I'm a mama's boy.

Keesha Scott: 00:00:37

I have two of those.

Patrick Custer: 00:00:38

Okay. I think of a male slot, you know, like the. Where everything is going and maybe you don't.

Like, it's often another room where you don't look at it because it's not pretty.

Keesha Scott: 00:00:47

Like, I threw mine out the window.

Patrick Custer: 00:00:48

You threw it out the window? Does it mean you can't find your way back to process it? No, but it's going to take a lot longer.

Keesha Scott: 00:00:56

It's about what are your goals? Because if your goal is to pull it off, then I might be able to figure that out.

Patrick Custer: 00:01:02

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:01:03

But my goal truly is to be happy, joyous, and free.

Patrick Custer: 00:01:09

Welcome back to the Patrick Custer Show. I am so very excited to be here in Nashville, on Broadway, filming in our new studio with my new friend, Keisha Scott.

Thank you so much for being here, making the trip all the way from Boca.

Keesha Scott: 00:01:28

Thanks for having me. And the studio is amazing. So excited.

Patrick Custer: 00:01:31

We poured a lot of love into this. I can tell you're a mama.

Keesha Scott: 00:01:35

I am.

Patrick Custer: 00:01:36

And I like, first of all, I just, I think about.

Because I'm that age of if you've ever wanted kids and you haven't had them yet, I think so many of us start asking ourselves questions of the cost of everything around what you would sacrifice. Can you do it? Are you going to do it? I look at that and I think how amazing how much I respect you and. And people like you who have.

I mean, you, you've written a book, you own a treatment company. You're doing a full blown public presence around recovery and helping people, raising three kids.

Keesha Scott: 00:02:14

Yeah.

Patrick Custer: 00:02:16

And so much of your platform involves speaking to moms, which I love because it's part of your story. So I don't know if you ever thought about how much though, that could impact someone who's not a mom. I'm a mama's boy.

Keesha Scott: 00:02:36

I Have two of those.

Patrick Custer: 00:02:39

And those of us who are lucky enough to have mothers or a motherly figure, I think it gives us a unique perspective into the appreciation for all the things that go into it, all the selflessness. We're going to get into all that.

And I just wanted to preface by, I guess, all of my gratitude and respect for what you bring to the table because it isn't and wasn't easy and I can't imagine.

Keesha Scott: 00:03:06

I appreciate that because in large part, mothering is a thankless job. You know, it's kind of like an internal thank you. You know, there's so much. I have so much gratitude for just being a mom.

But as you go along in the journey, there are parts of it that are super tough and you don't get thanked a lot. So thank you for thanking me.

Patrick Custer: 00:03:25

You're welcome. Do you feel seen?

Keesha Scott: 00:03:28

You know, it's interesting because you don't really get seen seen by your kids until they're older. You know, I can.

My twins are 19 and I think they're starting to see me as a little bit more of a person because when you're younger, you just have expectations that your parent is just all they do is exist to provide for you. And as you get older, you kind of realize, oh, shit, this is just a lady in the world with her own stuff.

And so this year specifically, my twins have asked more questions about some of the struggles that I've been through. And I've been more.

I actually have a chapter in my book called Be Honest Ish because it's really an age appropriate thing, you know, like when you give. When and how you give information. So at 19, you know, I'm starting to drop some more truths on them. And so, yes, I feel pretty seen.

And my 12 year old is just like wildly beyond his years, so he kind of always sees me. But it's a good question because I think a lot of moms don't feel seen.

Patrick Custer: 00:04:28

I agree. From the outside perspective, I think it's important that we do it.

I don't care if you're not my mom, you know, like, my mom, fortunately, is still alive and I do what I can to make her feel that way. You know, primary caregivers are. I mean, like, it's one of those things where, like you said, it's a thankless job.

But, you know, we have people existing right now because people.

Keesha Scott: 00:04:54

Yeah. And in large part, you know, women, I don't think get the limelight much.

You know, and that's really what my podcast Cake for dinner is about like all the hats that women wear, all the things that we do because we do whatever we're doing, whether it be a career or whatever it is, but we still run alongside that as a mother, which is a full blown job in and of itself, you know, So I really like to highlight that and let women have their moment.

Patrick Custer: 00:05:21

You know, as a, as a mom, if you want to do something else other than the mother part, how do you prioritize making it?

Keesha Scott: 00:05:32

Ha.

Patrick Custer: 00:05:32

Does it? I, I love the analogy of. Because I can relate to this.

There's so many people in a parking lot and a car alarm starts going off and it's affecting anything. Everybody can. The only thing everybody's thinking about doing is figuring out whose car it is and getting it to go off because it was an accident.

There's nobody really trying to break into the car, but like, nobody can go about whatever they're doing until that car alarm is off, is turned off. Prioritizing all the things that you have to do as a mom, if you want to do extra stuff, how do you go from like, okay, the kids stuff is. Then I get.

How do you prioritize that?

Keesha Scott: 00:06:07

I think two things. One, some of it's just hard earned lessons, you know, hard earned wisdom.

Because when the kids were younger, I really prioritized them over myself, which I think probably most moms do. And the result of that is you can be pretty worn out and worn down.

I have three kids with three different personalities, three different sets of issues and struggles and, you know, stuff. So during periods of their lives, I've been really beat down. I was also a single mom when they were young.

So I think over time I've learned that I do have to not always put myself first first, because that's a big ask for a mom. But I at least have to put myself on the list. Like I get to at least make the list of priorities.

One thing that I've always prioritized is exercise, which I learned from watching my own mom, who was a mom of four, grew up with no money, none of the fluffy stuff, and she always prioritized fitness. And I think that that's been a good thing for me to sort of take from her and use in my own life.

But the other big thing is I think I'm actually, I have a friend who wrote a book called called Balance Is, and I really subscribe to that. So I think you're not going to really get it right.

And I think it's okay that when you're focused on one particular area that other balls are dropping and just let them hit the ground. Because that thing of it is a thing.

Patrick Custer: 00:07:31

It's a, I think it's a corporate term where they say like the cost of, you know, you spend your time doing something, it's always at the cost of doing something else. And I need to read this book that you're talking about. The balance is bullshit because.

Keesha Scott: 00:07:44

Because it really is.

Patrick Custer: 00:07:45

Well, and I'm assuming that it's not goal of not.

I mean like we can't be all or nothing to, to everything but to think that we're going to be one day if we work hard enough, fully balanced person, that levitates off. Right. Like that's where I think my Right.

Keesha Scott: 00:08:02

And then when that's your expectation and you're always falling under it, Failure, failure, failure. And then that impacts your self esteem and your self worth and how you see yourself and you know, how you engage in the world.

So it matters, it really matters that you see this stuff on the front end. And being a mom is the ultimate example.

Patrick Custer: 00:08:21

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:08:22

Of all of that.

Patrick Custer: 00:08:23

I couldn't agree more. What and when made you put yourself on the list? Finally?

Keesha Scott: 00:08:33

I am 51, Patrick and I just made the list like this year, you know, it's interesting this year actually posted a reel about this this morning and it's super true. Like everything I post is very authentic to me and my feelings and I, I literally do them daily.

I don't have like a bunch of batched that I'm just like putting out. Recently I've been thinking I'm 51 years old, an average woman lives to 78.

The perspective has really just started to hit me that like if I'm going to wait until everyone in my house lands to start prioritizing my own interest or my or or my like hobbies or my happiness. I'm gonna be my mom's age and I'm gonna wake up one day and think holy shit, I'm on the back nine and I'm just now choosing joy.

So I realized this year that I have to learn how to be a mom, right. And like be in it with my kids. But the thing about kids is they go through phases, right.

And if they're not doing well, I always thought that meant then just I wasn't doing well. And to be able to do well and to choose Joy and to choose your interest while your kid is not doing well is very difficult.

But that's been my new goal because my kids are 19 so they're going to go through their landing phase, right? Like, they're going to go through things, they're going to do well and not well and as they should.

But I can't rely on them to constantly be doing well so that I'm doing well.

Patrick Custer: 00:10:05

It's so interesting that you say that, because as you're. As you're telling me this narrative, I'm thinking, what did they pick up on about when is it okay for them to choose and.

Or experience joy in adulthood? That's not an on you thing. I think that so many of us go from a place that we know what was modeled for us.

Keesha Scott: 00:10:31

And it's a good point, though, because, you know, they're watching me just, like, beating myself into the ground, being available for them at every turn. And my stuff isn't like, financial. It's more like emotional.

Like, I. I struggle to watch them struggle, you know, and so I'm constantly trying to, like, manage and work things out for them. And, you know, my older kids, their father died of a drug overdose when they were three. So, you know, there you have that story, right?

So you're like, parenting kind of from that place of guilt. But all of that creates a narrative that they then subscribe to.

And, you know, I don't beat myself up about doing it wrong, but there's certainly things that I'm realizing now I could have done better. And I'm just choosing now to, like, let's do better. You know, it's never too late. They're 19. I mean, we've got a long way to go.

Patrick Custer: 00:11:23

I love that phrase. I work it in everywhere I can. It is. It isn't ever too late. It's never too late to get sober.

It's never too late to make a change for the better, no matter what we're talking about.

I think about if I was a MA or parent in general, but a mom, I would have such a difficult time doing what I'm about to ask you, as you just kind of talked through that process or journey for you as a parent, what it sounds like, you know, what a lot of parents do is get in there and want to, like, fix and micromanage.

How hard has it been for you in this evolution of yours in parenting to let them make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons rather than terrible hard.

Keesha Scott: 00:12:05

Hard as shit, you know, and it's hard for different reasons. And it's. The level of difficulty is different for each kid. I would say my older son has been the hardest challenge for me. He's very Emotional.

And I would say that, you know, the death of their father, that story weighs heavy. Right? And like, certainly when he was young, I've done a terrible job of letting him struggle, frankly. And it didn't. The outcome wasn't great.

Right, because he doesn't know what to do with struggle now. He's had his own journey. He went to treatment, so he's six months sober today.

Patrick Custer: 00:12:41

He went to three.

Keesha Scott: 00:12:42

Yeah, he went to treatment and he learned so much and so did I. And listen, some stuff is not fun to look at, you know, when they, like a lot of fingers were pointing at me because I'm pretty codependent.

And I didn't let him struggle. And I just had to acknowledge that. Right. For us to move forward.

And recently I said no to something, which I very rarely say no to him, partially because he's amazing, he's nearly perfect, he's truly delightful, and he's been a great kid. So it's not like he asks for much. He asked for something recently and it was just a no. And saying no is so difficult for me, it's almost ridiculous.

And I wrote to him, saying no is so difficult. And he wrote, well, look at you. You're doing such a great job. We're both learning.

You know, it's like he's ready for the change, you know, he's ready, you know, to fly and to grow up, and I'm the problem. So it's been a, it's been a huge lesson. And then he has a twin sister.

And I've never really had much trouble watching her struggle or saying no to her. And I think because innately she's extremely resilient and she's a fighter by nature, you know, so it's like you can see that.

And not to mention, she was difficult when she was young, so it was like, easier to kind of fight back at her or with her. But I see the outcome has been that she's extremely resilient, she's extremely self sufficient. So your parenting matters.

Patrick Custer: 00:14:16

This whole show is around the storms of life. When was your first biggest storm?

Keesha Scott: 00:14:24

Interestingly, I got sober at 27 and, well, truly my first biggest storm was in college. I got into a fatal car accident. I hit a motorcycle driver and he died.

And I would say that was like my first real experience with really knowing that alcohol works. You know, I was in crisis emotionally. There was a time when therapy wasn't like a big thing, or at least I didn't know much about it.

And I used drugs and specifically alcohol to Escape my mind and my guilt and my sadness.

And I can remember being in a bathroom in a bar at 20 to 2 years old, maybe 21 years old, looking in the mirror alone and saying to myself, you haven't had enough to drink. Like, I needed to drink more alcohol so that I didn't have the thoughts that I was having.

And as I look back as a sober woman now, that was like my first real experience with like, I have these feelings, I don't want to have them. I can use this thing and it will work.

Patrick Custer: 00:15:40

As you say that, I think, well, you had a lot of insight for early, for. For an early stage of addiction. Because for me I would have. I would.

Keesha Scott: 00:15:49

Well, this is retrospect, okay? In the moment I just thought I need more fudgeing alcohol, you know what I mean? Like, I don't.

Yeah, I don't think in the moment I knew what was happening. I think I knew that I was super sad and I wanted to be more drunk.

But as a 23 year sober woman, I can see that I was suffering and that I knew this thing would work.

Patrick Custer: 00:16:12

When the accident happened, were you sober?

Keesha Scott: 00:16:15

I was sober. I was actually going to my friend's house to pick up a fake ID. So I actually must not have been 21.

I was probably 20, but like many times in my life I didn't know where I was going and I turned, you know, the wrong way.

And it's kind of like the theme of my life, like not quite having it together, which like creates some guilt, you know, I knew I was going to get drunk and I knew I'd planned to drive home, like, you know, that stuff. So that certainly plays a part. So I turned left and he went to pass me. I guess he thought I was probably going slow and ran right into my door.

And he died, you know, on impact. But he had a. His girlfriend in the back on the motorcycle. She flew over the top of the car. She did live, but, you know, I was 20 years old.

Like I had no idea how to handle that.

Patrick Custer: 00:17:03

Did you go to therapy after that?

Keesha Scott: 00:17:05

I, like, first of all, I was in junior college in Gainesville, Florida. And like I went to the like counseling department, you know what I mean? And they like gave me someone. I don't even remember the person.

I don't think it was very.

Patrick Custer: 00:17:18

Which this was. You already said your age, so I don't mind asking what, what year do you remember around what year this was for?

Keesha Scott: 00:17:24

,: 1994

Patrick Custer: 00:17:29

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:17:29

Like you were on your own.

Patrick Custer: 00:17:30

Yeah. It's hard to imagine even being in the behavioral health field as. As long as I have, which is 15 years.

It's hard for me to think back to the beginning. For my beginning in the field. It's changed so drastically even since then.

The stigma around therapy, the how prevalent, how normalized, how this, how that. We still have a long way to go, but in the 90s, I mean, that was my. So, you know, I was.

That was my, like, child slash teen years because of the faith circle that. The conservative faith circle that, like, my parents were in, like, therapy.

Even if it was today, I don't know that therapy would have been a conversation, you know what I mean? Because it was all give it to God. And outside resources are not really. Yeah. That is just so big.

I'm, like, thinking of putting myself in your shoes in that moment. Those moments of college being such a tender age. Everyone else is already drinking like they do, and this happens to you.

Keesha Scott: 00:18:36

And I was. I was big, heavy into drinking, obviously, at that stage in my life. But, you know, I grew up in a family. I have three brothers. Grew up with no money.

You know, like, both my parents busting their ass, working full time. I knew how to just sort of, like, pull myself up and dust myself off. And that's, like, the only trick I had up my sleeve. So that's what I did.

I didn't really, like, digest the impact of this until I was many years sober and somebody asked me to speak at an AA meeting. And I started telling my story. And I don't even. Don't normally even mention this part. In fact, when you said, what is your earliest.

Patrick Custer: 00:19:14

I know.

Keesha Scott: 00:19:15

I noticed it took me a minute to think of it because I always think of my husband's death. You know, I was sharing my story. I was probably, like 10 years sober, maybe.

And I started to talk about this part and I started to sob, like, uncontrollably. I was almost embarrassed because I was telling something that happened so long ago, but clearly hadn't processed it really ever.

So, yeah, that was a big thing. And that also shaped my worries around my teenagers. You know, of course, just all that stuff kind of adds up.

Patrick Custer: 00:19:45

You know, I heard this recently. This is not clinically backed as far as I know, but. But I love the comparison, and I think it sounds. It makes sense.

Two of the main ways that we tend to avoid dealing with a situation when it's not comfortable are compartmentalization and denial.

And so often when we talk about denial, it's put into this category of just like it happened but you're not paying attention to it, therefore it's not. It's often this didn't happen. Like, like you just don't acknowledge it. I'm a very tactile person.

So like when we talk about memories or things that happen, I'm thinking about visually like the house. Right. Like of your brain and your life and where you're putting all the memories and what. So compartmentalization is.

I mean you just say that it's like, okay, I think of a mail slot, you know, like the. Where everything is going and maybe you don't. Like it's often another room. You don't look at it because it's not pretty.

Keesha Scott: 00:20:46

I feel like I threw mine out the window. Like I don't even think mine was available.

Patrick Custer: 00:20:49

Exactly.

And where I'm going with this is what I heard was that denial is a form of compartmentalization that is really lost and you've left no breadcrumbs for. You threw it out the window. Does it mean you can't find your way back to process it? No, but it's going to take a lot longer.

Keesha Scott: 00:21:11

Yeah, that makes sense.

Patrick Custer: 00:21:12

This is a very new concept for me as well because I've been having some things that almost 15 years sober for myself. I. I'm having things that come back.

I've had not things not that big, but also themes that have represent like they've come up for me either in a media interview, live or pre record when I'm talking about my own stuff. Because that's. It tends to happen. I always say it bubbles to the surface when it's supposed to.

Keesha Scott: 00:21:39

When it's supposed to.

Patrick Custer: 00:21:40

And that happens. Coping is denial and medicating.

Keesha Scott: 00:21:47

Yes.

Patrick Custer: 00:21:48

You move forward because you have to. When did you meet your husband? Let's go into the.

Keesha Scott: 00:21:53

So I graduated college, like barely I think. And I went through all kinds of stages. Like I lived in Key West.

I kind of lived everywhere where there was like a main dragon so that I could walk, I think, you know, so I didn't have to do a lot of drinking and driving because at that stage of my life I was big into the nightlife. So I moved around but never terribly far from like my parents. I stayed in Florida.

Patrick Custer: 00:22:18

So you figured out how to high function for sure. Did you have an example?

Keesha Scott: 00:22:24

No.

Patrick Custer: 00:22:25

That showed you or was it that thing that caught you that happened middle drinking career before it got to any certain point where you kind of course, corrected and was like, okay, well if this is going to keep up, I.

Keesha Scott: 00:22:40

Gotta, I don't know. When I was in the Keys, actually I rented a room.

I actually went there for the weekend and stayed for four months, but I rented a room from this woman and she would get up every morning, go running, go clean boats, which was her little business. She'd come home and go to the bars and get full blown shit faced and be back home by like 6, 7 and be in bed.

So that was my first experience with like, I guess, sort of a functional alcoholic. I mean, she ran every morning, she ran a business, you know.

But as far as for myself, I just think the expectation in my home was that you go to college, you do these things. And I was good at just being really rowdy when you were supposed to be and then not when you weren't, you know. So I managed to get through college.

I got a really good pharmaceutical job, which I sort, sort of followed in the footsteps of my brother. My drinking got pretty bad as I was like in that career because it's very much sales and back then you were entertaining a lot and I was a shit show.

Like I, I won all the awards somehow because I think the party life was so much fun for like the doctors. And I was a lot of fun, there was no doubt about it. But I was also disorganized and sort of a mess.

But I went through that period and I don't know, somewhere in like my mid-20s, I think I just like there was a part of me that knew what I wanted in life and I wanted more than any, anything to be a mom.

And I think I could feel that sort of slipping away as a result of my drinking because as I went along, my drinking got worse and worse and it got more private, right.

So like I would be the fun person at the bar, but the thoughts and the feelings that I would have after that, in the next, the days to follow became very secretive and very, very low. And I didn't really share that with a lot of people.

So at 27, it got to the point where after a night of drinking, I would be devastated for days, you know, extremely anxious, extremely depressed, barely working, and it would just be like waiting for the next day to the neck the next moment to drink, you know, And I would swear off alcohol, all the. That's in the book.

Patrick Custer: 00:24:47

Yes. How long would you go in between?

Keesha Scott: 00:24:49

I would go days, but I would smoke pot every day, you know, so never really sober necessarily. But in any event, the last night I went out drinking. I went out with my best friend since I was probably 14 or 15. She'd, like.

She'd seen enough at this point, you know, she's probably the only person in my life that really saw the truth.

Patrick Custer: 00:25:09

Was she tolerating you, or were you all together in the.

Keesha Scott: 00:25:12

She was tolerating me. She was also super fun, and she was. She's kind of a sidecar person, you know, with, like, humor and everything else.

She's, like, totally willing to be the backup dancer and just enjoys it and just kind of cheerleaded me on, sort of. But it got to the point, I think, where she was like, enough is enough. And this particular day, I convinced her to drink at noon.

We were both supposed to be working. I said, let's just have one drink at lunch, you know, and that turned into the next. You know, it's 6pm and we're at a bar, and we drank all day, and.

But then she was like, all right, like, enough. Like, let's go home. And I couldn't turn it off. And she said to me, listen, I'm done doing this shit with you.

Like, if you stay here, you're on your own. And don't call me tomorrow. Crying And I remember thinking, holy shit. Because she was my everything, you know, she was family to me.

And I was scared, but I couldn't stop, you know, I chose alcohol.

Patrick Custer: 00:26:09

When she drew that line for you, did you get defensive, or was it a reality check?

Keesha Scott: 00:26:18

I think both. I think inside I knew I knew what was going to happen. But when you're an alcoholic and you're that far down the road, you can't shut it off.

I mean, that's what makes it alcoholism. We are eye to eye, and I knew, but I also made my choice. And she left, and I proceeded.

And somehow I drove my company car home, parked it up on a curb, you know, like, just a complete disaster. Woke up in the morning, had to work with my boss, and it was just like a.

It's a very, like, textbook alcoholic, you know, I woke up, put my hair in a bun, put on the suit. You know, I looked the part, but I smelled like booze and cigarettes. I did a terrible job at work that day.

And I can just remember thinking, like, I can't do this anymore. I was waiting in my car for my boss, and I could see her walking towards my car, and a guy called from the night before.

Obviously, like some loser, I'm sure. And I can remember thinking, like, the duality of my life is getting out of control, right?

Like I'm in a full blown suit with a bun, in a company car, staring at this woman walking towards me with this like, loser calling me, who probably had no job, you know, nowhere to be. And that was it for me that day. I went to a therapist that day, who my friend found in the yellow pages, if you want to know how long ago that was.

And that started my journey. I was like, done. I can't do this anymore.

Patrick Custer: 00:27:47

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:27:47

And that was it for me.

Patrick Custer: 00:27:49

You were not drinking every day to the point where you needed medical detox.

Keesha Scott: 00:27:53

No, mine was more. Once I started, I just, I just became an animal. But then the days in between, I would convince myself like, you gotta stop. This is terrible.

That kind of thing.

Patrick Custer: 00:28:08

I love hearing you say this about your story because there aren't as many people, you hear a lot of people talking about the everyday. The more, I hate to say more extreme because that's not fair to say. Yours wasn't extreme. It's just, it looks different.

And from the outside, that is what one would pose on that judgment is the more extreme is the person who drinks every day that da da da da da da. Our book in the 12 steps does talk about all these different types of alcoholic drinkers.

My own personal opinion, I feel like the number two to the one that is what I ended up being was the everyday. I did go through DTS from, you know, number two to that is the person who is the binger. Yes, the binger.

Keesha Scott: 00:28:59

It's a big misconception though, because the. One of the first things people ask me is, did you drink every day? Did you drink in the morning? Alcoholism isn't necessarily defined that way.

It's once you put the substance in your body, can you turn it off? So can you go to a bar and have two drinks and don't let this be a, you know, a challenge because I did take that challenge.

Maybe you do that once or twice, but can you be that person? And I think if you're honest with yourself and you're an alcoholic, you, you know, you can't.

Patrick Custer: 00:29:27

Well, I'll give an example of, you know, I'm so grateful that you found a healthy way and are where you are and, you know, this beautifully healthy, vibrant person sitting before me, still alive. But my grandfather was exactly what you're describing.

And I think a lot of people, we all those of us who are the various forms of alcoholic varieties, we all lie to ourselves. For me, what you described as your drinking career or pattern was a stop along the way.

So I have experience with what you talked about, but I didn't stay in that phase. What was a phase for me too long. There are, however, people like you who maintain that for decades.

And my grandfather did that until he was 60 and went on a binge that lasted enough weeks that he bled out. But he would go however long he needed to to prove to be dry.

Keesha Scott: 00:30:32

Right. Because it also. It makes it easier for you to be able to say you're not right, if you can do these things. I had a.

You know, I was making good money, whatever the things are that tell you that you're not an alcoholic. And through my journey in alcoholism, I have thought before. You know, I see people go back to drinking.

And the thing that I always remind myself is it really isn't about whether you can pull it off or not. It's about what are your goals? Because if your goal is to pull it off, then I might be able to figure that out.

But my goal, truly is to be happy, joyous, and free. Like, I want to be fucking free, and I can't drink a little and be free. I have tried a million times.

So I think it's more important to ask yourself what your goal is in life. Like, where are you trying to get? Because if you want to just make it and just pull it off, there are people that can figure that out.

I know plenty of them. Right now, for me at 51, I'm looking at. I'm. I'm going for pure freedom.

Patrick Custer: 00:31:30

What would you say, though? Because I think back to, if you had asked me that question, what's your goal?

I would have either lied to you and myself knowing the real answer, or there's a big part of me that feels like I wouldn't have been able to access the real answer.

Keesha Scott: 00:31:47

Right. I think you had to taste it first. And for me, I've tasted freedom. So I know what my goal is.

And I think that's the unfortunate part of people, before they get there, before they really get sober, before you give yourself time to experience it. But once you've tasted freedom, it's not something you want to turn back from.

Patrick Custer: 00:32:06

I definitely can relate to that now. Okay, so you go to therapy, you stop drinking. Did you experience any relapse through?

Keesha Scott: 00:32:14

,: 2002

You know, I met my first husband 30 days later in the rooms. And I met him. He was riding a bike. I met him at Starbucks. But it's you know, it's kind of like kind of in the rooms right in Delray.

It's very, very much.

Patrick Custer: 00:32:37

Oh, right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the whole city is correct. Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:32:41

So I met him and you know, looking back again, like a lot of this is reflection that, you know, we weren't ready to be in a relationship. I mean, they tell you one year for a reason, but I'm not a rule follower. He was handsome.

Patrick Custer: 00:32:53

I'm not a rule follower. A suggestion taker, a none of it. I got to. I always go the other route. I need. My mistakes, need to be.

Keesha Scott: 00:33:02

I learned my lessons the hard way. Yes, for sure. And we met and I think what it was is like he had so much trauma. He was like literally just dying inside. And I was scared to death.

And I think we just clung to each other for dear life. Wasn't a great choice. I have two kids from it, so I'm grateful for the choice. But looking back, it was a wild one.

So we got together and we got married.

Patrick Custer: 00:33:36

How long after you met?

Keesha Scott: 00:33:37

A few years.

Patrick Custer: 00:33:38

Oh, yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:33:38

It's another thing that happens to women, I think very much in sobriety and otherwise is like, you just have this like idea that you need to be married and have kids, like, and it's just like super intense pressure. So I just buttoned him right up, you know, I was like, so can.

Patrick Custer: 00:33:54

I speak to that for just a second?

Because I think that this relates to more because I want to broaden this out, not to diminish how much what you're saying relates to women specifically from society's standpoint. It tells our parents that we, that they have to instill this in us as children.

From the comments about, you're going to be such a great mom one day, you're going to be such a good.

I mean, all these things I was told from a very young age, you're going to be such a great husband to your wife one day, you're going to be such a great father. You know, all these exactly what. And to me, self actualization meant that I had to be successful, do really well.

I mean, whatever I did need to be something really worth being proud of, make a lot of money and marry a woman and have children. There was no other future. And I think so many people, especially women.

But the reason why I bring it up is because as a gay man today, I experienced having to walk through the antithesis of what my supposed self actualization was supposed to be. So when you talk about that, I'm like, Ah, yeah, I can relate because there was a point where I'm like, I should be in a serious relationship.

So you know what I did? I dated a female and was like I was faking the hell out of. So you know, and we almost got married. I kind of wanted to add that in here to say what?

That theme you're talking about is something that is just so applicable because of how narrow of a scope we apply to what should be.

Keesha Scott: 00:35:30

And that's exact scenario with women, right? It's like you're supposed to sort of be this, right? So it applies to males, females, gay. Clock's ticking, right?

And the reality is if you choose to have children, it should come when you have self actualized and I don't give a shit if you're gay or not or you have, you know, be with a man or woman. All of that being an intimate relationship and bringing children in the world, period should happen once you've gone through this journey.

But there's so much pressure that and specifically on women because your ovaries get too old. It feels like you're supposed to be doing this, this like thing in this timeline.

And I think there's an added pressure when you get sober because I think it's a self inflicted pressure.

But it's kind of like, okay, now I'm sober so there's no like, oh, when I get sober I can lose five pounds or I can do this or I'll be better at my job or I'm going to. It's like you're sober now, you should.

Patrick Custer: 00:36:28

Do all those things you've been putting off for.

Keesha Scott: 00:36:30

Correct. And so then it's like, holy shit, you got to like double down. I did and my husband was the absolute opposite of ready. And I just pressed on.

Patrick Custer: 00:36:41

You know, when you think about all the sacrifices you have to make relating to selfishness that we have to let go of. Well, you don't have to, but the choice is there. There's a need and almost a demand and a demand in some areas, but a heavy need.

Where were you on that scale of understanding how much needed to shift to be a mom, to be a mom? And where do you think he was?

Keesha Scott: 00:37:10

Interesting? I mean if you want to be, if you want to work on being selfish, have kids, like, you know what I mean?

How they say like if you pray to be more resilient, God doesn't give you resilience, right? He gives you something that's going to challenge you.

So if you want to be less selfish, have kids because they're gonna just literally force the selfishness out of you.

I think innately I was ready to be less selfish, and I think it saved me, you know, as a sober person without children, I thought about myself around the clock, and children just sort of take that away. And that, frankly, that was refreshing to me. I think my husband wasn't ready at all, you know, and his trauma was very much around.

He was adopted from a Native American orphanage when he was very little. He had a pretty traumatic coming into the world and a traumatic early childhood.

So I think the idea that I was going to be pregnant with twins was just too much for him. And we have our own infertility story. We had trouble getting pregnant. I lost a baby. We did in vitro.

It was a whole journey, you know, and very quickly, I found out I was pregnant with twins, and he left, you know, So I would say that's probably the hardest thing I've ever been through.

Patrick Custer: 00:38:28

The abandonment.

Keesha Scott: 00:38:29

Yeah, it's just something different about being pregnant and being abandoned. It's like this time in your life where, like, it just, like, feels like biologically that's what should happen. And I have a great family.

You know, when they. When he left, my family swarmed. I mean, they. They. They rallied.

Patrick Custer: 00:38:48

Like, what a blessing.

Keesha Scott: 00:38:49

I mean, I have three brothers. I have an amazing dad, you know, So I had male influence like crazy and showed up double time. So I had all of that.

But to not have your partner, as your belly is growing, you're going to these doctor's appointments, I mean, it was truly traumatic. It really was.

Patrick Custer: 00:39:12

Y' all had been married for three.

Keesha Scott: 00:39:15

Yeah, three years. And not only that, but we had just bought our first home. We just paid $30,000 to do in vitro. So it wasn't.

These weren't like, hey, I might leave red flags, you know what I mean? Yeah, but he was cheating. He had a girlfriend, and so he left. Had a girlfriend while I was pregnant.

Like, I mean, I look at that now as a 51 year old, and I'm like, so sad for that girl, you know, it's, like, so wild to me that I even went through that. And again, I did the same thing. I dusted myself up, I pulled myself together. I still worked.

I was pregnant as a pharmaceutical rep, going to work every day, calling on offices, because I was now going to be a mom of two.

Patrick Custer: 00:40:01

A single mom of two.

Keesha Scott: 00:40:02

A single mom. And bless my dad's heart, he would drive around with me and then pull up and just, like, read the New York Times while I would Go into the offices.

I mean, he's a dream. A dream.

Patrick Custer: 00:40:14

Makes me want to meet your parents. They sound so amazing.

Keesha Scott: 00:40:17

They are. They really are amazing. And another thing that's crazy is they parented me through all of that.

And he came back when I was seven months pregnant or something, and I took him back. You know, another thing that, like, is hard to admit because I want to be this, like, strong woman who wouldn't take somebody back.

But when you're in that situation, you're about to give birth to two babies.

Patrick Custer: 00:40:39

I would be more shocked if you had told me that you didn't take him back.

Keesha Scott: 00:40:45

What's more shocking is that my parents welcomed him back, you know, after all that. And my dad now says we didn't want to lose our daughter, you know, and so our job was to align with you.

And whatever choice you were making, I'm like, what a badass. Like, I don't know that I could do that if somebody did that to my daughter. I'm still learning every day from watching my parents parent me.

Yeah, they're amazing. So that was that. And I stayed sober through all that, which really taught me, you know, that the barometer there is, like, so intact.

Because it's like, I know now whatever happens, I didn't drink through that. I'm not drinking through anything.

Patrick Custer: 00:41:22

Did you have a preconceived. I talk about the forever concept a lot. I think all of us that get sober deal with it, especially alcohol, because it's so socially acceptable.

There's a period that we go through of the never drinking again. Having to process that thought because it keeps coming to our early on, like, I can't conceive of never again.

You know, that's why we talk about one day at a time. Easy does it. You know, just for today, all those saying, the silly sayings we have on the wall. Are you able to reflect back on that early period of.

Of when you got sober and those thoughts coming through? Was there a period where you were crossing that threshold of. Because I think it happens for everybody. Some people, it takes years.

Mine was like a. I think a year in, and then all of a sudden it felt like there had been this month where I wasn't thinking about it, and I realized I was like, oh, I don't like thinking about never drinking again. Doesn't really bought, like, I.

Keesha Scott: 00:42:18

It just sort of settles.

Patrick Custer: 00:42:20

Yes. When was it that you were able to let go of the forever concept? And did you have a thing.

Keesha Scott: 00:42:25

I'm a little bit interesting in the way that I am. So all or nothing that I went in, in the beginning with, it's, I'm never drinking again.

And I thought, if I think that tomorrow I might, I will just fucking drink today. I had to believe it from right out of the gate, you know, And I was always afraid to say one day at a time. Even when I quit smoking cigarettes.

I remember my friend would have a cigarette pack with one cigarette, oh, I can't do that. And she'd keep it. And she was like, if I decide to smoke tomorrow, I'll smoke tomorrow. And I was like, what a crazy idea.

Like, if I might smoke tomorrow. Give me that shit right now. Do you mean, like, I am not gonna wait till tomorrow to enjoy myself?

Like, so I've never really been able to buy into that concept. I know it works for a lot of people. For me, I had to be done with it. Now.

The things that I struggled with were the idea that I would have to get married with no alcohol. Meanwhile, I didn't even have a boyfriend.

But like, these ideas of these big things, like one of the things I did before I got sober actually was just kind of wild as I went to the wine country, because I am like, I'm not hanging this shit up without ever having experience. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

Patrick Custer: 00:43:36

But you did it before you got sober.

Keesha Scott: 00:43:38

Yeah. Well, I can tell you it was crazy.

Patrick Custer: 00:43:41

Okay. As a sober person, I went with a bunch of friends who are normies, and it was beautiful. I enjoyed myself for a couple hours.

Keesha Scott: 00:43:52

Yeah.

Patrick Custer: 00:43:52

The beauty if you've been sober long enough that it's a safe idea for you to go and, you know, be an observer, you know, whatever. Again, it's beautiful out there, but like spending whole day right at wine tastings. It is. It was brutal.

Keesha Scott: 00:44:10

I wasn't a taster. You know what I mean?

Patrick Custer: 00:44:12

Right. Oh, no, I didn't. Yeah. And that's the thing is that like I would go out and be like, I'm gonna taste another sour grape.

Keesha Scott: 00:44:18

Yeah. Yeah. There's many other beautiful places in the world for a sober person, in my opinion. But nonetheless, I'm.

I'm grateful for all the stupid shit I did before I got sober. Honestly, the concept of being sober through particular, like certain things, like those ideas were hard for me.

Patrick Custer: 00:44:36

It's interesting that you brought up positive, like getting married. Was there any like fear based stuff that you thought about? I don't know if I could say.

Keesha Scott: 00:44:47

Sober through this as something ever happened to my dad.

I still think that I know now I wouldn't drink, but I know it will be the most painful moment of my life and I've been through a lot, but he's my best friend, so that will kill me.

Patrick Custer: 00:45:06

There's a lot of emotion there. Yeah, I just, like, I just felt so much connection to your heart as you said that.

Can you tell me a little bit more about that connection there and why the fear of loss is so strong?

Keesha Scott: 00:45:23

I think specifically for alcoholics were, you know, if you listen to most alcoholic stories, you know, there, there was a lot of either misunderstanding or being misunderstood or typically not being believed. Yeah, there's typically a troubled youth. Right. Like that's, I mean, I'm sure there are some that aren't, but I was pretty troubled as a young person.

And you know, as I went along my journey, my dad has just never, ever, ever been rattled by me. I look at my kids now and how reactionary I am. I told my husband the other day, I'm like, you got to be more like my dad.

Like, I, I told my dad everything along the entire journey and he just was, he's just always been set and stable and, and so non judgmental and just loves me. Like there's not, there's nothing else there. And I'm not like the easiest personality. So I have fought with most people in my life, you know.

Patrick Custer: 00:46:18

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:46:20

So I think it's just been pure joy and love my entire life. I don't have any other relationships like that.

Patrick Custer: 00:46:25

Well, and I hear consistency and lack.

Keesha Scott: 00:46:27

Of judgment, which is so big for an alcoholic. You know, you, you. We've. We've up so much.

I mean, every alcoholic, you know, and I think there's a lot of secrecy in alcoholism and a lot of like, low self esteem and like the, the thoughts.

Patrick Custer: 00:46:42

Well, I hear. Yes, but I also hear you telling me that you had a person you could go to and knew that you could be honest.

Keesha Scott: 00:46:50

Right.

Patrick Custer: 00:46:51

With. I may have had that person. I didn't feel like I had that person.

Therefore, was I ever honest with, open and honest with anyone about everything that was going on? No. Including myself. Wow, what a big. I mean, I think that's so rare.

Keesha Scott: 00:47:10

I work with teenagers, teenage girls, I tell their dads all the time.

I mean, I press them, I put the pressure hard because in large part a girl who has a healthy relationship with her dad, it's a foundation that can be built upon, you know, and the girls that don't have that suffer. And I attribute all of my ability to truly be able to rise from the shit I have risen from to my parents.

My dad gave me that foundation and that love, and my mom gave me the grit and the fucking pull yourself up and the two things together. I rose from some. From some pretty difficult shit. And more importantly, I've been able to give that to younger girls.

Patrick Custer: 00:47:56

That's beautiful. You sure have risen. I mean, speaking of some difficult shit. Next. Like, look next on the next on the list of Keisha survived.

Keesha Scott: 00:48:06

Well, we'll do our own podcast.

Patrick Custer: 00:48:09

Your husband.

Keesha Scott: 00:48:11

So he, you know, he used to always tell me that if he ever drank again, he would die. And I would think to myself, like, that's a little dramatic, you know what I mean?

Patrick Custer: 00:48:21

In my head, I'm thinking this whole time. So he goes off, he's with his wife. I'm like, he's not sober anymore. So he says, sober, yes.

Keesha Scott: 00:48:28

Yeah, he was sober and interesting. Every therapist I've ever been to, they like try and press me towards anger. You know, it's like the low hanging fruit.

Her husband left her and cheated and died and like, she should be mad. I've never been super. Now I've been fucking devastated, flat, don't get me wrong. But, like, I think I. I've always known it wasn't about me.

Like, he was so trapped in himself that one time he said to me, I'm either going to cheat, I'm going to get high, or I'm going to kill myself. He wanted out of himself, you know, himself. He was on fire. And so he ended up trying all the above and ended up dying.

But he came back when I was pregnant. We had two kids, we had the twins. When they were two years old, he left again. And this time he.

Patrick Custer: 00:49:13

He.

Keesha Scott: 00:49:13

He left and he moved away and he started drinking. And three months later he died of a drug overdose. So he was right. And I think he knew that because I think he knew if he took that road, if he.

If he made that choice that he was gonna use to the degree that he would die. So I don't think it was suicide, but I think he knew what he was doing.

Patrick Custer: 00:49:33

Many of us, I would never say that I was like, actively suicidal, but same.

Keesha Scott: 00:49:38

But you weren't actively.

Patrick Custer: 00:49:39

Not exactly. Yeah, I know it's a slow. Like, I remember thinking, this could kill me. But at least the active thoughts in my brain were, this could kill me.

Like, I know I'm just not exerting enough willpower to stop and this could kill me. I don't like that.

It doesn't bother me as much as I Think it should, but I have no other choice because like, I don't know, you know, and at least if it does, I won't feel.

Keesha Scott: 00:50:07

Feel it. Exactly.

Patrick Custer: 00:50:11

To think about that today, I'm just.

Keesha Scott: 00:50:13

So sad to be at that place.

Patrick Custer: 00:50:15

You know, and nobody knew that those thoughts were. That that was the belief system that was running through my head.

Keesha Scott: 00:50:20

And so many people feel that way. And now at this stage in recovery, I'm. I'm okay with not being angry at him.

For years I thought it was like suppressed, you know, But I think when you really understand addiction, it's easier to like comprehend that.

Patrick Custer: 00:50:37

Yes, most definitely.

Keesha Scott: 00:50:38

Because that was very much not about me.

Patrick Custer: 00:50:40

How did you process the abandonment the second time?

Keesha Scott: 00:50:43

It was very different. Very different. Because I did everything in my power to clean up my side of the street. If there was anything I tried in everything.

I mean, I had two infants by myself and would get up in the middle of the night and in an effort not to wake him or bother him, I did everything by myself. I was struggling, but I didn't want him to ever be too tired or too this or too that, you know.

So I think when he left the second time, I just knew my worth differently, you know, like I had done everything I could.

Patrick Custer: 00:51:18

Was there a bit of relief? Yeah, can imagine. I mean, I. From what you just explained, I'm going.

Keesha Scott: 00:51:27

And my family couldn't really help much because they didn't want to interfere. Right. So there was like so much dancing that everyone had to do around his personality. Yeah, there was, there was relief.

I don't say that a lot because it makes me feel a little bit guilty.

Patrick Custer: 00:51:41

I think what made me feel guilty asking you that. But quite frankly, I'm like, this is an important, that's an important thing to ask.

Keesha Scott: 00:51:46

I actually, to be honest, and I've never said this ever, when he passed away, I had some feelings of relief and I felt so troubled by that thought. But being in a relationship with an active addict and having children is so intense.

And the worry of him coming to visit and whether he was going to be drunk or not drunk was so unbelievably disturbing that when he passed away, it was just so many feelings. I was so sad because the, the gravity of death and the finality of loss is so intense.

But also my job as a mother of two, two year olds was my priority and he was making that unsafe.

Patrick Custer: 00:52:37

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 00:52:38

You know, so I've never admitted that out loud. But yes, there was some relief.

Patrick Custer: 00:52:44

I mean, you've been a full time parent for many years. And you just told me you just now put yourself on the list. Of course you didn't process it till recently.

Keesha Scott: 00:52:53

It's been a wild year, Patrick.

Patrick Custer: 00:52:54

Yeah. But also, I know how many people go through life never getting re tethered to process the stuff and they just live out the consequences of that.

Keesha Scott: 00:53:10

Mm. Really, the underlying theme of my book is that, you know, we don't show up to parenting empty handed. Right.

Like, we all come to parenting with our own stories, our baggage, whether it be good or bad. I mean, I grew up with no money, so I have a lot of grit and hustle. Like, that's one of my favorite qualities. I bring that to my parenting. Great.

Well, their dad died. I bring that to my parenting. Right. So all of it matters.

Patrick Custer: 00:53:35

You know, one of the things that I think is so fascinating, having kids, parenting, the topic, how many people who don't want children leave that subject alone throughout adulthood? Because I don't want kids, I'm like, okay, well, what you're also leaving out of the picture is understanding so much about yourself.

Because if you don't care about parenting children, all that goes into it, and understanding that as an adult, you really are missing out on picking apart, understanding more of why you are what and who you are, why your parents did or didn't do what they did or didn't do.

Keesha Scott: 00:54:19

Right.

Patrick Custer: 00:54:20

And so I'm so grateful, like, whether I have kids or not. I love this topic. I love talking about parents, the generations, what gets passed down. Why did you make that decision?

Why are you making these decisions now? Why did you decide at 51, it's not too late to change.

One of my goals about this episode is to inspire change for other people to get curious as well. Regardless if you think you're gonna have kids, because this is important and should be to everyone.

Because I do a lot of things on social media about disrupting the cycle so that we change the generations that come after. And I have 50% of the comments, oh, I'm not having kids, so I don't have to worry about it.

Keesha Scott: 00:55:08

Right.

Patrick Custer: 00:55:08

You are affecting generations that come after regardless of if you are bringing also.

Keesha Scott: 00:55:13

About yourself and your relationship.

Patrick Custer: 00:55:15

Yes. And that's what I mean is that the yourself and the relationship matter first.

Obviously your existence, but like, that influences the whole sphere around us.

Keesha Scott: 00:55:26

And really understanding all of this stuff definitely impacts your intimate relationship.

So unless you're going to be single, have no friends, and live, you know, completely alone, really understanding what you bring to the table matters because whether it's your relationship with your children, which just happens to be a very, like. I don't say difficult one, but, like, really, like, it's hard. Yeah, just use difficult. Or it's your relationship with your spouse.

I mean, learning all this stuff has changed my relationship with my husband huge.

Patrick Custer: 00:55:59

You can break up with your husband or your spouse, you can stop being friends with somebody, but when you talk about kids, I'm like, that is like the ultimate tethered relationship responsibility. It's different. And the complexities there are.

Keesha Scott: 00:56:13

Yeah, it's different. It definitely pulls on your heartstrings different.

But I would say for people, if you don't want to have kids, like, doing this, like, deep self reflection and also sort of like analyzing your own childhood, your own trauma, and like, how you came into this space definitely benefits you in whatever relationship you're in.

You know that me and the way I engage with my mom and how I see my mom working on the things about myself that I don't like, which are generally the things that I didn't like about her have helped my marriage, you know, so you're. You're not. You're. No one's getting out of this thing alive. You're going to look at yourself.

If you want to have a fulfilling, happy life, no matter whether you want kids, if you plan on being in any type of relationship, you're going to be forced to look at how you got here.

Patrick Custer: 00:57:00

That's right. What made you decide that you wanted to start doing work in the field of addiction recovery?

Keesha Scott: 00:57:12

When I got sober, I said I was a pharmaceutical rep. I always wanted to go back and get my master's in psychology. And at 40, I just decided now or never.

founded Guardian Recovery in: 2008

So he really entered my life when my kids were very little. Like when they were three, like, right after my husband passed away.

We had gotten divorced the year before, so I had started dating my current husband and. And he's just like the best. He's like, so into me finding my own personal happiness.

So whatever ideas I come up with, whether it's writing a book or I want to do this or that, he's all in, you know, so he was like, quit your job. Meanwhile, we had no money. Like, so he would watch the kids, I would go to school at night.

unded Guardian and, you know,: 2008

Patrick Custer: 00:58:22

That's amazing.

Keesha Scott: 00:58:23

It really is.

Patrick Custer: 00:58:24

Tell me a little bit more about what all Guardian treats.

Keesha Scott: 00:58:27

So it's a national behavioral health company. In large part, we treat, you know, substance use and mental health disorders.

I really oversee the adolescent program, really based on our experience at home and sort of realizing that there aren't a ton of adolescent resources, which is really my lane and kind of what I love. And then my husband and his partner really, you know, oversee the rest of the program.

Patrick Custer: 00:58:51

Residential php. What levels of care?

Keesha Scott: 00:58:54

All levels of care. Literally starting at detox, all the way down to outpatient virtual. We literally have every level of care.

That was kind of like how it started was he would do interventions, take someone to treatment, and then the family would inevitably call back in 30 days, because that's really what it was at the time and be like, what do we do now?

You know, so we got into the outpatient space initially, and then we sort of just plugged away, filling, you know, the voids, and ended up with a full continuum of care.

Patrick Custer: 00:59:25

What made you decide that you wanted to write a book?

Keesha Scott: 00:59:28

I've always been told that I should write a book, but I think when people are decent storytellers, they hear that. But to be able to tell a story and put it on paper is very different.

I majored in English in college, so I've always had this dream, and I familiar with Glennon Doyle, but I was listening to her speak once, and she said, if you're ever jealous of someone, there's a good possibility that you wish you were doing what they're doing, and you should try it. And I remember being in the audience and thinking, I am so jealous of her. I wanted to be on a stage.

I want to make sense of my life by sharing my story. I want to write a book. And it just, like, sunk in, and then it just stayed there for almost a decade.

And then, like a year ago, a woman who we does marketing for us, Allison Walsh, she just told me I should write. Just write an outline. Send it to me. We'll see. We'll see what, you know, what comes of it.

Patrick Custer: 01:00:24

Yeah.

Keesha Scott: 01:00:24

And that immediately turned into me just, like, going full into this book, and here we are.

Patrick Custer: 01:00:30

Do you have, like, a top three goals for the book? You know, if you were to just give me a high level?

Keesha Scott: 01:00:37

Yes, I would love for women moms to read it and to know that whatever they're doing as a parent is enough. There's this idea that, you know, we're all this myth of perfect motherhood, you know, and it's a hard job.

Some of us struggle with kids that have, you know, different mental health stuff and, you know, different stuff. And I would like people to be able to see themselves in the book and know that they're doing a great job.

I hope my kids read it and know that I gave it everything I had. And I hope my husband reads it and knows what a savior he's been for us.

Patrick Custer: 01:01:16

What about somebody who's never going to be a mom?

Keesha Scott: 01:01:18

I think it's still easy to relate to struggle. We live in this weird perfection culture, so it doesn't matter if you're a parent, not a parent, if you're gay, if you're straight.

Everybody's looking at somebody thinking maybe they should be a little bit more something. And as soon as you can get to the place where you sit down in your own life and celebrate who you are, life is so much more enjoyable.

I can't tell you how many years, how many decades I spent analyzing myself, wishing I was a little more organized, wishing it was a little more of this, a little more that, and now I see it's all those things that make me me. I am not organized. I'm wild, I'm a lot of fun, and I'm really into this now.

Patrick Custer: 01:02:00

It's terrible. I can really. I can't wait to read it.

Keesha Scott: 01:02:02

Yeah, it's gonna be good.

Patrick Custer: 01:02:04

Cake for dinner. We already talked about it a little bit, but I want to plug it, obviously.

I love podcasting, and I'm a big fan of other people who are doing good with their platforms. Why is it called Cake for Dinner?

Keesha Scott: 01:02:13

So Cake for Dinner is a little play on words. Like sometimes as a mom, you just have cake for dinner. You now know my relationship with my dad. Anytime I was really sad, he bakes me cakes.

He bakes me German chocolate cake. So my entire pregnancy, I ate cake. And so it's also a nod to him.

Patrick Custer: 01:02:33

What is your favorite thing about your show and what do you want to accomplish with it?

Keesha Scott: 01:02:39

We look out in the world.

You see somebody, they're well dressed or they're successful or they have a handsome husband or whatever, and we make up our own ideas about the way people are and how much better they are than the US or they look more this or more that. I like to sit people down and hear what they do, sure. But Like, I want to know what the chink in their armor is. I want to know when life is hard.

I want to know what they've overcome. I want to know what their challenges are. I want to know what a bad day looks like.

And I think that I'm highlighting real moms with real stories, and I think that helps people feel seen, heard, okay, normal.

And I think there needs to be more of that, because we're in this, like, weird, as I said, comparison culture, but also in the social media space, and everyone's left on their couch feeling, like, a little bit less.

Patrick Custer: 01:03:27

Then I want to point out something that happened before the cameras were rolling. I always sit in this chair not because I care that much, just because it's how we set up the. Whatever.

You came into the room and asked for what you needed, and you are going to sit here because. Well.

Keesha Scott: 01:03:42

So a month ago, I passed out in my kitchen. I fell and cracked my face open. I got 20 stitches. 10 here, 10 here. The idea that I learned hard lessons, I wasn't kidding.

It's really taught me that I need to prioritize and slow down a little bit. And when I walked in, I thought, I should sit over there. That way I can hide my scars.

But then I remember that my ear game was really popping today, so I thought, let me just let it all out.

Patrick Custer: 01:04:07

And I think that it's such a good representation of the growth that you've gone through. The stuff that we experience in life might stick with us. We might have those pathways that still might fire.

We don't have to make the choice to keep going down the route of, you know, letting that. That thing control us. We have the other option. I just loved that, what played out there, because you were like, I'm gonna own it.

And I love what's happening here. And that's a testament to the work you've done on yourself. It's so beautiful.

Keesha Scott: 01:04:39

Thank you.

Patrick Custer: 01:04:39

And you're so beautiful inside and out.

Keesha Scott: 01:04:42

Thank you, Patrick. Yes. As are you.

Patrick Custer: 01:04:44

Thank you.

This has been such a freaking lovely time spending with you, and I wish I had five more hours that we would get to sit here and have no shortage of fodder for a good conversation.

Keesha Scott: 01:04:55

Well, normally I travel with cakes, and next time I'll come with a cake.

Patrick Custer: 01:04:58

You're coming back to Nashville, so we're gonna have to do a part two, either on or off camera. I don't care.

Keesha Scott: 01:05:04

But we will.

Patrick Custer: 01:05:05

Thank you so much, Keisha Scott. And we'll have this in the show notes, but I always like to ask people to say it just in case they're not reading.

And, you know, how can people connect to your stuff?

Keesha Scott: 01:05:17

Guardian recovery is guardianrecovery.com and then if they want to find me specifically, the easiest place is by Instagram @keishawscott. It's k e E S H A W Scott. It's probably the easiest spot.

Patrick Custer: 01:05:30

Awesome.

And if you forget anything she just said, you can go to my Instagram and there will definitely be socials on there of this podcast, so you can just follow along and then find the links. So, yeah, thank you so much.

And I want to close out by reminding everyone it's never too late to start loving yourself, and you're always only one decision away from a completely different life. We'll see you next week back here on the Patrick Custer Show.